“…Reading over that story in hindsight (years after I wrote it) made me laugh out loud at parts. It was so insanely intense at the time - maybe the hardest thing I've ever done. But now, after four years of Medicine and experience, it blows my mind some of the things I believed (especially thinking that the shamans were above getting swept up in gossip!)..”

“…I had a game plan - needing to find out the truth. I was going to go on acting like everything was normal, and when I got there, present an option to Luco which will show me his true feelings. Then I would strategically keep everything cool with us, and adjust accordingly…”

…”It was hard with my mixed feelings...I knew the Medicine had done it's work, but I still wasn't clear on the people administering it. How much does that effect the ceremonies? A shaman who has had thousands of ceremonies must be completely purged, right?”

“…As time went on, I got more confused. I wanted to believe him, and I remained loyal on the surface, riding it out, but a part of me was becoming really scared that I had gotten myself in deep, emotionally and financially, with a con-artist…”

“…These little things were not a huge deal, until a major accusation took place…”

“…I tried to hold my shit together, but the jealousy was raging internally by then. I had completely checked out of the conversation, looking around uncomfortably, arms crossed, foot tapping like a maniac. I didn't want to leave them out here by themselves, and set the stage for whatever the fuck to happen. But the build was too strong…”

“…Jealousy has been a major problem in my life. It's rooted in deep insecurity, and something I haven't been able to even manage well, much less heal it. It could be a problem here…”

“…For about a month, I was in my intensive language phase, as I didn't even hear English the entire time. Time spent bonding, exploring the village, going out, having ceremony at the Elder's, and basically cleaning up as the early stages of my Ayahuasca apprenticeship got underway…”

“…I was at an impasse. I knew in this moment, my next move was crucial. I thought for a second about the money I had in deposits that had taken a lot of work for me to make…”